


Out of Time

by Alley_Skywalker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Experimental Style, M/M, POV Second Person, post-TFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12012978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alley_Skywalker/pseuds/Alley_Skywalker
Summary: You're running out of time.





	Out of Time

You’re running out of time. 

He knows it. You know it. He laughs and says, “What did you expect?” And you wonder. You wonder— What did you expect? What could you expect? 

_That we would win._  
_  
_ No, no. That’s not right. That can’t be right. 

(But couldn’t it? In the shadows of a dark meditation chamber, did you not dream of victory and glory? Did you not see the fireworks in front of your eyes and the spark in his eyes and the papers the morning of? _To victory, to glory!_ Spoken in his voice, written in poison ink across your heart. It was what got you through. Wasn’t it?) 

_That I would find myself._

__Oh really? (Even the voice in your head is his. The same lilt, the same tone, the same texture.) You can’t find yourself when you’re so lost.

(But couldn’t you? Don’t you know now more than ever before what you long for? Is the answer not always the same now, for so many months, to every question, to every riddle? Do you not go to the same place – in body, mind or spirit; it matters not with the Force – to find the truth, to find your strength? Just because the answer to yourself, the key to you, is another person, that doesn’t make it any less of an answer. It wasn’t what you set out to find, but you know your heart now more than ever before. Are you any less found because he did the finding? And the keeping.) 

_That you would love me._

__Unfathomable. Unbelievable. _He doesn’t love anyone._ Didn’t they warn you?

(But did they? Hadn’t he come back for you through the blood-stained snow? Don’t the cadets worship him with the hearts of impressionable boys who would surely shrink from inherent _emptiness_ in someone’s soul. He must love someone, somewhere. So why not you? Why could it not be you this time? Didn’t he touch your hand, feel the pulse on the inside of your wrist, guess your greatest weakness and your most precious fear and not say a word? He did not laugh or sneer or even comment. He simply wrapped his fingers around your wrist, his hands cold without the uniform gloves, and looked into your eyes with the understanding of someone who knows what it means when your greatest enemy is fear. In that moment, did he not love you?)

“I don’t know,” you say and look away so he won’t see. It’s a lie. 

It’s a lie. You know.

(And maybe he knows too.)  
_  
_ You expected all of it.

Deep down, in that part of your soul that still remained, that shrivels up now as he walks away to the bridge and stands at the viewport, watching as his empire – so meticulously build, so dearly held – crumbles into stardust. You know. 

_I expected we’d have more time.  
_

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about TLJ and what might happen and if Hux would survive this movie and what it would mean/how sad it would be for the ship if he doesn't. And/or what kind of interactions he and Kylo will have (if any at all) and it kind of feels like we're on borrowed time here a little? Basically...I have a bad habit of regurgitating my feelings in fic form.


End file.
